A year and a half ago I began this blog with my piece titled Body Talk do take a look!
I had recently begun the journey of healing my deep wounds…wounds that I had been totally unaware of….wounds that were mostly self inflicted.
I didn’t realise this was what was happening but i think we are often unaware of the process of deep change while we are in it.
I had yet again run away from the reality of my life that I felt was unsatisfying. I felt un fullfilled, disappointed and let down by my circumstances and other peoples actions. I left my friends and family (my support network) at a time that I felt most vulnerable and took my wounded self on a journey. I planned and planned my trip to ensure its awesomeness. I made my grand gestures of departure, pretended I was excited and off I limped.
The reality of my trip was not the adventure I had hoped for…but it was the one I needed. As soon as I arrived at my destination the loneliness came over me…here I was in the North of Thailand with literally no friends. Very little purpose. Had I really packed up my life and travelled halfway across the world only to sit in a really drab room desperately trying to ‘connect’ with my friends, family at home….and I did NOT want to connect to myself…not at all.
Isn’t it strange how we believe that by leaving home we will find ourselves? Don’t get me wrong…I love to travel, to experience, to adventure….it can be a great distraction. Which was exactly what I was hoping for…lovely adventures, plenty of distraction so I didn’t need to look at my pain. Anyway as I look back at it now..the universe gave me exactly what i needed…lots of time and a fair amount of pain (2 bike crashes, a robbery, a chronic illness and a slipped disc).
I think this was the beginning of understanding how important true connection is. We all long for love and connection. We seek it. We look for it in many forms…friends, lovers, passions, family, community. Now I know that looking outside of ourselves is not meant to be the way to true happiness and fulfillment. However….to come together with others helps us to come home to ourselves. By being with those we feel at ease with, to be able to share, be open, vulnerable we can begin to see our own beauty and connect to that…it sparks something.
The pain (emotional and physical) gave me insights into how I treated myself. I did not treat myself kindly, love myself or really believe I was worthy of being loved even. Ouch!!! I was in this pain because I put myself there…if I was loveable Id be surrounded by those who loved me? Anyway….as time passed I realised, I am not alone in this type of thinking. I spoke to many friends…we mostly felt the same. Its funny how when we share our vulnerabilities we realise we are not alone…far from it.
I was inspired to hold a womens group soon after (with a friends encouragement) to talk about this stuff and it was so so beautiful….the way we women connect to eachother when we allow ourselves the space to do so is profound. The thing is though…we don’t do it. We live our separate lives…build our individual relationships, families and careers.
We women are connectors and yet we neglect this vital aspect of ourselves. As I move closer to accepting and loving myself. I have realised the non negotiable need for women to come together regularly. Its not a ‘oh if I have the time’ kind of situation. Its a seriously ladies….get together…breath, move, chant, speak freely. This HAS TO HAPPEN!
So 2 years since the start of my most recent stage of evolution I am jumping in and making it happen. Im holding my first Vital Woman Yoga Workshop tomorrow….more are in the pipeline….I thank the universe for not distracting me and giving me exactly what I needed to allow me to be here and doing what I truly believe to be a VITAL piece of a womans life in modern society if we are to be nourished and thrive….rather than merely survive.